UNIVERSE THREATENED BY NONEXISTENCE

computer simulation of the universe

Donate bitcoins to chronicle.su and reserve your place TODAY among a newly rearranged, inverted cosmos of mathematical novelty …MOAR!

Elderly woman dies ‘on hold’ with Verizon

Verizon plays a deadly hand in the demise of a beloved family member who simply could not handle all the sexting. …MOAR!

Local man repairs relationship, loses penis

Roanoke, Va.–A Roanoke man savagely mutilated himself Friday while trying to prove to his ex-wife he was “still man enough to sexual role-play and use a skill saw naked.” Sources say he was attempting to sacrifice the family housecat to the love gods when things suddenly appeared very …MOAR!

Virtual War Crosses Into Reality

Today, Call of Duty 4 took a tragic and deadly turn for the worse after SmokeyMcBong420 and PwnasaurusDeth traded insults over their PlayStation 3 headsets. Several eyewitnesses have independently confirmed that Pwnasaurus claimed to have lost a match due only to lag, irritating SmokeyMcBong and forcing him …MOAR!