VIDEO FOOTAGE EXPOSES PENTAGON MURDER COVER-UP

This isn’t our job. Why aren’t you doing it? Cover this shit on your own so we can get back to satire, please. …MOAR!

Richmond Mayor forces two children to fight

Mayor Dwight C. Jones allegedly took part in an illegal child-fighting ring that Elf Wax speculates has connections to football God Michael Vick. …MOAR!

Panama Monster is missing link

Discovery of the horrible Monster of Panama sheds new light on Bigfoot, Nessie origins. …MOAR!

Your daughter’s a whore, and not even the good kind

A brutal assessment of today’s American Dad, using excessive vulgarity and disturbing, offensive honesty. …MOAR!

Area man loses mind

Has the gubment taken your pension? Is the man keeping you down? Look no further than the government to get you back on your feet. …MOAR!

Social networking sites lead to ‘pregnancy and marriage by age 23′

Mediocrity

MyPlace and Fakebook are responsible for up to sixty five percent of unwanted, accidental long-term relationships. …MOAR!