Final Shuttle Launch Signifies Total Apathy Toward Human Progress

final-launch

This article can be safely ignored, because it is about the space shuttle which is now irrelevant. Not like that makes a difference to you, though, because you never cared in the first place. . . .

An Alternative Earth – by Adolf Hitler

Hitler had a Plan B: to secretly colonize the Moon, built by troops launched from Antarctica. . . .

Stoner realizes speed of Earth’s movement through space, blows mind

A Cave Spring-area youth was high on marijuana today when he realized that time does not exist and therefore [...] . . .

EARTH SAVED, ARTSIFIED BY NOTORIOUS PESSIMIST

EARTH, MW–In what appeared to be simple verbal observations of nature and it’s beauty, a notorious pessimist has seemingly mended the fracture of space-time continuum, sparing humanity’s precious existence. Not much is known at this time, but experts say by just sputtering a few thoughtful words on the fruitfulness of the mountain lands, this . . .

LSD FOUND IN ROANOKE WATER SUPPLY, ALL WATER SHUT OFF

ROANOKE, VA–As a result of the recent findings of pharmaceutical drugs in tap water across the U.S., a local study in Roanoke, Virginia has found traces of lysergic acid diethylamide(LSD) in the community’s water supply. Experts say the water supply could’ve been “spiked” many years ago. . . .