Miley Cyrus turns 18 today, breaking purity vows made to the Status Quo. Will she turn into Brittany Spears, or some other celebrity slut? You decide. …MOAR!
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By  Frank Mason, on November 23rd, 2010%
By Frank Mason, on October 4th, 2010%Don’t be afraid to speak out. If you say something wrong, it will just be erased by Roanoke Revolution: “Recognizing The Right People!” …MOAR! By Frank Mason, on September 30th, 2010%The Elf Wax Times’ team of political analysts project that the publication’s platform of drug use, videogames and name-calling will be all the evidence voters need to make the right decision in 2012. …MOAR! By Frank Mason, on September 3rd, 2010%The Elf Wax Times was really fucked up. …MOAR! By Frank Mason, on June 21st, 2010%We no longer love you, but that does not mean we stopped loving ourselves. You just weren’t ready. …MOAR! By Frank Mason, on December 13th, 2009%Apocalypse or gift from the Heavens? You decide after we give you one hyper-delusional side of this annual story of Gemini’s Wrath. …MOAR! By Frank Mason, on November 20th, 2009%This is the closest thing you’re ever going to get to a commercial on The Elf Wax Times. Fuck advertising, fuck the media, and fuck your blind faith in the government. …MOAR!  Leave a comment  Special Interest  advertising, billywalshe, capitalism, college, elf wax times, everquest, fuck the police, george ouzanian, hate, internet, jaded, lotr, maddox, oral graham, party patrol, phone number, police, radio, richmond, roanoke, sell-out, Status Quo, success, TV, USA, virginia, whores By Hateful Man, on November 9th, 2009%The Elf Wax Times toils into the wee hours of the morning to bring you part one in an unlimited-part series: VOTE DOWN THE INTERNET, HAIL THE ELF WAX TIMES …MOAR! By chronicle.SU, on September 21st, 2009%The Elf Wax Times has exploded onto your computer screen like a poorly-timed orgasm. Read more to find out how literal this disgusting metaphor really is! …MOAR! 5 comments Special Interest analytics, ape, cold hard truth, elf, elf wax times, fbi, glory holes, god, google, jaundice, jesus, lithium, Marijuana, miley cyrus, nick jonas, porn, pussy, retard, roanoke, sex, sexting, wayne, whore By Frank Mason, on September 11th, 2009%The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom. …MOAR! 5 comments Editorial billy mays, bo diddly, bush, change, cheney, concision, congress, craigslist, drunk, elf wax times, freedom, freepress, gays, government, hillary clinton, homosexuals, hope, hypocrites, internet, jane fonda, journalism, lesbians, lies, logic, mccain, media, media mogul, meet the press, military, News, noam chomsky, obama, objectivity, politicians, rage against the machine, reason, rolling stones, rush limbaugh, terrorism, the doors, truth, TV, Uncontrollable Patriotism, weenus, writer |
 
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