Pirates awash with Windows 7 theft orgy

Pirates have released an automatically-validating, automatically-updating edition of Windows 7. Those giving bastards! . . .

Internet Spammers Now Legitimate

Internet spammers seem to be on the decline, but Elf Wax turns a paranoid eye towards recent suspicious business endeavors. They’re after your money and it should be ours, dammit. . . .

12 Year Old Overdoses on Enzyte, Commits Suicide

In what is possibly the most gruesome and terrible ad-related news in the history of the world, a young man, terribly mistaken, demasculated himself by accidentally overdosing on his father’s Enzyte. The family has asked to remain anonymous because their shame is immeasurable.The boy’s father denies ever taking Enzyte. He admits “I was just, ashamed . . .