Heroin Epidemic Benefits Heroin Users

john warner has shooting heroin

“Thanks to heroin,” Norment said, “I’ve dodged a few bullets, both figuratively and literally. Shit, heroin even helps me escape the crushing reality of using heroin.” . . .

ROMNEY USES COCAINE; American People to Romney Campaign: Go For The Nostrils!

DENVER, COLO. — Americans were excited today about reports deep within the bowels of the Romney campaign that the former Massachusetts governor is ready to go after President Obama’s use of marawana and cocaine as a teenager.

“I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use,” says a Romney adviser to Buzzfeed, “had . . .

Violeta “Macarena” Rosu

Violeta "Macarena" Rosu

“Please…” . . .

The New Shit (part 2)

You elected a two-dollar whore and got mad ’cause he blows like a porn star. Let’s talk about landing people on the asteroids. . . .

Heroin solves life’s problems

Got life? Try heroin! . . .

Open Letter to Danny Gilmore

For the second time in a row, The Elf Wax Times picked up your slack because nobody is willing to stand up for fucking anything. . . .

Pirates awash with Windows 7 theft orgy

Pirates have released an automatically-validating, automatically-updating edition of Windows 7. Those giving bastards! . . .

Dick, Dedication, and the American Dream

Roanoke, Va.–This girl I liked when we were in ninth grade was really cute and had pretty green eyes. I told her one day as we were walking to the buses and she said ‘thank you.’ I never thought another thing of it because chasing tail, I decided, wasn’t . . .

FBI DIRECTOR WINS WAR ON DRUGS

Washington, D.C.– In a harrowing defense of marijuana’s ongoing criminal status, FBI Director Robert Mueller successfully lumped marijuana in with all drugs. Dopes on the list include meth, heroin, oxycontin, crack and cocaine, but not alcohol, during a debate with Steve Cohen (D-TN). “Alcohol,” he said, “is just poisonous . . .

FEAR 960 AM BROADCASTS UFO SIGHTING VIA DIRECT NASA FEED THROUGH LOCAL AFFILIATE “THE HATE HOLE”

Just what it says. Get with the program.

New things are happening. Don’t use your real information. Don’t worry about me. What’s there will eventually be pushed into obscurity. I will delete this article once it finds a happy position on the front page.

And once hosting is launched, I . . .