The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom. . . .
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By  Frank Mason, on September 11th, 2009% 5 comments  Editorial  billy mays, bo diddly, bush, change, cheney, concision, congress, craigslist, drunk, elf wax times, freedom, freepress, gays, government, hillary clinton, homosexuals, hope, hypocrites, internet, jane fonda, journalism, lesbians, lies, logic, mccain, media, media mogul, meet the press, military, News, noam chomsky, obama, objectivity, politicians, rage against the machine, reason, rolling stones, rush limbaugh, terrorism, the doors, truth, TV, Uncontrollable Patriotism, weenus, writer By Frank Mason, on May 11th, 2009%Los Angeles, Ca.–Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist and author of the popular 2007 book Death by Black Hole, confirmed the Earth is in fact doomed to survive through the routine events of December 21, 2012. The educated assurance of this world-renowned scientist is rumored by analysts to have no bearing on those who already believe the . . . By Frank Mason, on May 3rd, 2009%Washington, D.C.–Due to coming into close physical contact with government pigs in Washington, U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama has been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus, popularly known as swine flu, following a doctor visit Friday. Noticeable symptoms include tiredness of the eyes, a glazed “thousand-yard-stare” and the . . . By Frank Mason, on March 31st, 2009%Iran and the United States have come together in a landmark baby step, citing their agreement. “Afghani drugs are no good,” says Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This is partly because the Taliban is forcing the peasants to grow opium, and partly because the United States would have . . . |
 
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