The Only True Conspiracy Theory

America now sees what the businessmen who financed the Tea Party intended: Dressed in powdered wigs and wearing red makeup that is actually gore, the Tea Party is shoveling babies into the ocean with pitchforks. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is gagging Lady Liberty with her gigantic strap-on while trying to save face by praising Al-Jazeera and . . .

STAY INDOORS! DEADLY GEMINID METEOR SHOWER TONIGHT

Apocalypse or gift from the Heavens? You decide after we give you one hyper-delusional side of this annual story of Gemini’s Wrath. . . .

Elf Wax Times announces anti-lesbian platform

The Elf Wax Times doesn’t hate lesbians, but statistics show that as the number of lesbians increase, the number of girls willing to fuck Elf Wax staff writers declines, threatening America’s freedom. . . .