Murdoch Family Enslaves Cheetahs To Edit Truth Faster

Cheetah Mogul, following his addiction to rare cheetahs

How NewsCorp leads the way in timeliness and journalistic integrity – A scathing tale of addiction to drugs, sex and exotic animals. …MOAR!

NEW MANDATE: Guns for the Blind

A group of people once discriminated against by gun traders are now required by law to carry a sidearm. …MOAR!

Big Brother is watching you

FBI “head” Robert Mueller is requesting MOAR information from ISPs to aid in his quest for precious SAUCE or possibly get into human trafficking. …MOAR!

Internet addiction ‘doubles teen self harm’

China has conducted a very unbiased survey of a small group of Communism-loving teenagers who find themselves victimized by the Internet. …MOAR!

Eleven dead after release of new McDonald’s “food product”

Micky D’s Darkest Day: McDonald’s claims thousands of lives every year using diabetes, malnutrition and obesity, but today was different. …MOAR!

Pirates awash with Windows 7 theft orgy

Pirates have released an automatically-validating, automatically-updating edition of Windows 7. Those giving bastards! …MOAR!

Report: Dan K. Back in Town

YOURTOWN, US–After a recent independent investigation, it has come to our attention here at the Times that Dan K., a known pal to many locals, has indeed returned to the area.

…MOAR!