Final Shuttle Launch Signifies Total Apathy Toward Human Progress

final-launch

This article can be safely ignored, because it is about the space shuttle which is now irrelevant. Not like that makes a difference to you, though, because you never cared in the first place. . . .

Space station gets new “chill room”

The International Space Station has docked it’s latest module, complete with every modern convenience. . . .

Failing failures and the failure that fails them

The money you spend on tacos and Wal-Mart trash pays for genocide overseas. Your brain is committing suicide. You are generally worthless and we don’t like you reading Elf Wax. . . .

Comet Lands Safely, Kills 1

WILMINGTON, NC — In a stunning and completely untragic turn of events today, Comet Lunin, approaching it’s closest distance from the Earth’s surface, has unexpectedly landed unharmed in a local suburban backyard. Authorities were quick to the scene but even quicker to leave upon learning of the comet’s well-being. . . .