Auto-tuned auto-tuning machine auto-tuned for the first time

T-Pain’s irresponsible use of what used to be known as “the Cher machine” has led to a breakdown of global economic politics hinging on the Panama Canal. . . .

Last Remains of Peace Scattered

Gandhi’s ashes have been swept into the sea. Now the rest of India and Pakistan prepare for the same immediate fate, as peace crumbles worldwide. . . .

Obama Meets Terrorist Demands

Obama institutes Muslim Christmas, an official U.S. Holiday that is not to be reckoned with. War on Terror is ‘over’ – terror decidedly winner. . . .

STAY INDOORS! DEADLY GEMINID METEOR SHOWER TONIGHT

Apocalypse or gift from the Heavens? You decide after we give you one hyper-delusional side of this annual story of Gemini’s Wrath. . . .

Online Gamers Constitute 90 Percent of World’s Racists

Playstation Network is the new face of hate in this week’s edition of The Elf Wax Times. How will Sony handle the cries for help? . . .

Modern Warfare 2: “If this is war, I wanna be there!”

Is slaughtering innocents enough to help us win the fight against Terror? You decide, on level three. . . .

SWINE FLU FOUND IN CATS

THE CDC HAS ISSUED A PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT FOLLOWING DISCOVERY OF A SWINE FLU STRAIN THAT MUTATES ONCE INSIDE DOMESTICATED CATS . . .

CNN and FOX affiliates announce new patriotic reality show

Snap into a psychotic rage this Fall in an all-new season of War, Episode II, Overseas Contingency Operation. Fuck propaganda – this is the REAL DEAL! . . .

Armageddon on our heels (and that’s just fine)

A documentary visualization of Peace by The Elf Wax Times . . .

Elf Wax columnist killed during protest rally

Elf Wax political columnist, campaign trail correspondent, and celebrated Communist Kirill Milosevic died violently Friday in a clash with police during a peace riot. . . .