NYPD Officer Signs Lucrative Pepper Spray Endorsement Contract

Protesters – Gotta mace ‘em all! …MOAR!

Local Man Issued Citation For Driving Correctly Near Children

A local pig brings home the bacon at the expense of decency, human evolution, and his own reputation. …MOAR!

Protesters gear up to repress rowdy G-20 police

peace-police

Protesters gather in Toronto to reign in unruly police officers. They fight authority by getting punched in the face, arrested, and gassed, just by standing there. …MOAR!

Larry And His Flask

The Elf Wax Times got fucking wasted and saw a great show, vomited in an alleyway, then drove home to tell you about it. …MOAR!

The Elf Wax Times is brought to you by…

This is the closest thing you’re ever going to get to a commercial on The Elf Wax Times. Fuck advertising, fuck the media, and fuck your blind faith in the government. …MOAR!

Illegal Monopoly strategy results in Michigan arrest

A stunning Monopoly play resulted in an arrest Thursday as a 54-year-old man robbed another player in-game. …MOAR!

CIGARETTE ASH FOUND IN LOCAL DUDE’S BEER

RICHMOND, VA– A local dude became noticeably disgusted after taking a sip of beer that had been used as an ashtray. The Elf Wax Times has just received new footage of the incident. In the video, a young man can be seen displaying caveman-like characteristics before consuming a Pabst Blue Ribbon. After a rather …MOAR!