The Elf Wax Times Boasts Monumental Success

The Elf Wax Times has exploded onto your computer screen like a poorly-timed orgasm. Read more to find out how literal this disgusting metaphor really is! …MOAR!

Failing failures and the failure that fails them

The money you spend on tacos and Wal-Mart trash pays for genocide overseas. Your brain is committing suicide. You are generally worthless and we don’t like you reading Elf Wax. …MOAR!