roanoke | The Internet Chronicle

The Hyper Social Revolutionary Network Has Risen

Hatesec, on December 19th, 2012%

Mob rule is everything in the Hyper Revolutionary Social Networking device.

This message comes from the Public Relations desk of your very own chronicle.su:

While on its way to chronicle.su’s chief war correspondent Viet Zam, a message from Lillian King was intercepted early October, establishing a multi-tiered dialog around the coming “Social Network Revolution.” After …MOAR!

Occupy Roanoke: John Edwards chased away by own sense of shame

Frank Mason, on October 15th, 2011%

Some believe Edwards is capable of lying through photographs

What happens when politicians visit apolitical rallies such as Occupy Roanoke? …MOAR!

To Roanoke

Frank Mason, on August 21st, 2010%

A man does cocaine and throws up his cocaine all over the cocaine. …MOAR!

Fever To Sing

Kilgoar, on March 31st, 2010%

Fever to Sing was a festival. Elf Wax was there. …MOAR!

The Elf Wax Times is brought to you by…

Frank Mason, on November 20th, 2009%

This is the closest thing you’re ever going to get to a commercial on The Elf Wax Times. Fuck advertising, fuck the media, and fuck your blind faith in the government. …MOAR!

The Elf Wax Times Boasts Monumental Success

chronicle.SU, on September 21st, 2009%

The Elf Wax Times has exploded onto your computer screen like a poorly-timed orgasm. Read more to find out how literal this disgusting metaphor really is! …MOAR!

I’d like to sext you up

Frank Mason, on August 25th, 2009%

There are little girls who trail behind mommy or daddy through Anytown, USA, staring down into their twiddling hands at what is without fail – and without question – a cell phone. …MOAR!

Stoner realizes speed of Earth’s movement through space, blows mind

Frank Mason, on June 22nd, 2009%

A Cave Spring-area youth was high on marijuana today when he realized that time does not exist and therefore [...] …MOAR!

Dick, Dedication, and the American Dream

Frank Mason, on May 31st, 2009%

Roanoke, Va.–This girl I liked when we were in ninth grade was really cute and had pretty green eyes. I told her one day as we were walking to the buses and she said ‘thank you.’ I never thought another thing of it because chasing tail, I …MOAR!

Man’s dreams fall into lap

Frank Mason, on April 29th, 2009%

Jay Kenny, A Roanoke man, sat in his favorite comfortable chair Thursday, thinking the world would just pass him by as it has done for the last five years. That is, until a book deal and a Sports Illustrated contract fell into his lap from the ventilation system overhead. …MOAR!