ELF WAX TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT

The Elf Wax Times’ team of political analysts project that the publication’s platform of drug use, videogames and name-calling will be all the evidence voters need to make the right decision in 2012. . . .

Sarah Palin illegally crosses border to receive free health care

Whitehorse, Canada–Sarah Palin was seen jumping out of a dirty, overloaded pick up truck Tuesday and crossing the Canadian border to steal single-payer Health Care. . . .

The Third World War on the Third World

NEW! MCMAFIA FROM MCDONALD’S, sold only in Italy. Read to find out what Sarah Palin’s hand has to say. Spoiler Alert: it’s not a handjob or else she wouldn’t have retarded children. . . .

Sarah Palin: Happy Marmot Day!

Sarah Palin is currently a bottomless source of hysteria on FOX News, but today her fucked up political career comes back to haunt her, for tomorrow is … Marmot Day! . . .