Anonymous, you are my very personal army

Two weeks ago, I published my own “dox” on pastebin. Every time I make a comment or post an article, someone links to these “dox.” It gets funnier every time. Someone out there must think the “dox” are so embarrassing and discrediting. Well, the joke’s on you, Anonymous. You’re doing exactly what I want you to. You’re my personal army.

The e-mail is real, and I want the whole world to see it. The OKCupid is real too, but I dressed it up just for you before I posted it. Gave it the embarrassing feel of a real “doxing.” Everyone fell for it, too.

Thing is, some hacker publishing just one of my e-mails doesn’t make any sense at all. Anons really must not care to be analytical about anything and this is proof. Anyone who looked at the “dox” with even the slightest amount of critical thought would have seen instantly that it could have been posted by only one person. That’s me!

I really don’t give a shit what you think about my personal life. I couldn’t care less. You have no context to judge, and your childish name-calling has never once bothered me. Once again, you’ve done exactly what I wanted. I made Anonymous rabidly publicize a personal letter because the girl I wrote it to was a complete bitch to me. Now the whole world knows my side of the story, and it is all thanks to you.

Congratulations, Anonymous! You are my very personal army! Send me pizzas, I’m hungry. Send me strippers, I’m lonely. Give me a prank call, I want to hear from you. Send me boxes, I know who could use them. Hack my computer to pieces and find out how great I am. Deface this very article, it is backed up where you can never touch it. DDoS the Chronicle for as long as you want and give us more publicity. These are all things I want!

Whoever holds the keys to hate holds the keys to Anonymous, for it is all Anon knows. I am trollface, watch me grin. When will you find a way to take the lulz from me? Never, for I am your king!

10 comments to Anonymous, you are my very personal army

  • LoWeRcAsEfAgOtT

    Idiots

  • AnonymousLy

    Lawdy fishfag your as bad as thejesterfag when it comes to ‘pay attention to me, look at me’ I am an attnwhore (no all trolls are attn whores, the best ones never show their hand or bawww about it), shit like a 6 year old you stamp your feet verbally. *sigh and yawn….And your writing is like fingers on a chalk board billybob. Where old brutus has promise you phail. Plz cry sum moar…..*makes popcorn for the double feature

  • Derp

    … Waiting for docks

  • Congratulations, you’ve defeated a couple of immature script kiddies who pretend to be the hackers of Anonymous. Are you proud of yourself?

    • kilgore trout

      So bizarre that you’d leave me a comment using your secondary pseudonym, Maddox. You go through a lot of effort to try to avoid the fact that your voice and Kobra’s are one, but you slipped up. In 2005 you decided to start again from scratch, hating the best page in the universe for the limits its success put on you. Well, you couldn’t very well post here as Maddox, could you? That would never do. Anyone ever put Kobra’s Corner to lingual analysis and compared it to the words of Maddox? No, they’re too busy accusing you of ripping off Maddox to realize what really happened.

  • WRONG. I doxed you, Kilgore!