CARACAS, Venezuela – Edward Snowden, the leaker of NSA surveillance documents, was granted asylum in Venezuela on Friday. With safe harbors in sight, Snowden was willing to share shocking and world-shattering exclusive secret government documents with The Internet Chronicle.
EMERGENCY UPDATE: Snowden has revealed an oncoming global cataclysm.
Snowden’s testimony was as follows:
“The highest levels of government don’t know what to do about UFOs, and the official story that they are all merely weather balloons or natural phenomena has been clearly dismissed. If anything, these documents speak about UFOs as if they are surely guided by an intelligence beyond our own. As it turns out, the most credible and inexplicable sightings are of vehicles that have been spotted leaving the sea floor at hydrothermal vents and directly entering solar orbit . . .
“Because ballistic missile tracking systems and deep-sea sonar are kept as state secrets, scientists don’t have access to data about these objects. However, most of the contractors at DARPA are sure that there is a species more intelligent than homo sapiens living in the mantle of the Earth. It makes sense, if you think about it, because that is the only place where conditions have been more or less stable for billions of years. Extremophiles may live at different temperatures than us, but they have been able to thrive and develop intelligence at a seemingly accelerated rate. That’s not true, because they’ve simply evolved at the same rate, but without many of the vicissitudes which set back surface life . . .
“The president receives daily briefings about their activities. Analysts believe their technology to be so far advanced that we stand little chance of survival in any potential war. The general sentiment is that we are but ants from their perspective, so there is little chance they would empathize or attempt to communicate with us, and the current contingency plan is to detonate nuclear weapons in deep caverns to ‘sting’ the foe we have no hope of destroying in hopes it would discourage further attacks.”
Critics may allege that what the 30-year-old former NSA and CIA contractor can state with authority about our ultraterrestrial neighbors is already well-known. But the Ground-Penetrating Radar, or GPR, scans, which The Internet Chronicle has shared and confirmed with sources within intelligence community, will only serve to underscore popular bitterness over strategically timed earthquakes and tsunamis.
Just as PRISM shined a new light on goings-on in NSA’s ECHELON computer systems, revealed in the 1990s, the vast complexes of underground cities – laser-etched from pure diamond – apparent in the GPR scans will transform public debate about the balance between liberty and security.