WORLD HAILS GLORIOUS NEW LEADER

Born under a triple rainbow after a swallow’s song foretold his coming, Kim Jong-un ushers in a new era of Fear across the so-called Lands of Democracy. His birth marks the appearance of an entirely new constellation in the phallic shape of a nuclear weapon.

The decadent West is free only to Fear him and the collapse of their feeble capitalist societies under the imminent weight of his mysterious might.

The most beautiful response to the problem of humanity is nearly 26 years old, and beckoning you from behind the 38th Parallel to the doorstep of his jewel-encrusted palace where, like Christ, he waits with tidings of Love and the oppression of your enemies.

The difference between Kim Jong-un and his father, Kim Jong-il, Elf Wax political analingists say, is his fervor for nuclear annihilation, which puts his father to shame, miraculously without dishonoring him in the process.

“Kim Jong-il,” sources say, “Will grind your weiners into atomic dust for use in the nuclear warheads aimed strategically at Alaska – a hotbed of American culture, and the source of wealth, revenue, power and world-famous quitter Sarah Palin.”

Kim Jong-un will be appearing on Saturday Night Live, the Today Show, and the late-night talk show circuit following in the Ayatollah’s footsteps.

Rush Limbaugh is hailing the New World Leader’s glorious descent to humanity by playing hours of interview footage with ex-Soviet fighters who were originally commanded by Kim’s father, whose name also starts with Kim. These interviews include the comments of senile old men with heavy Russian accents who seem to be largely intoxicated.  Most of these cold-warriors express a sense of jealousy towards the Socialist system of America-alarming aging McCarthyists nationwide.

His mother, Kim Jong-suk, or as she’s better known in certain parts of North Korea, Kim Jong-sukky sukky fie dorra, died from the force of his birth, as her pelvis was split asunder.  Today at the age of 23, Kim Jong-Un is reckless and violent enough to dominate all his foes and usher in a new age of pelvis-shattering hate upon any place missiles can reach.

7 comments to WORLD HAILS GLORIOUS NEW LEADER

  • [...] “Unlike our enemy neighbors,” said state spokesperson Min Il-Suk, “North Korea enjoys a prosperous human cloning program. Which is why we are pleased to announce Kim Jong-un! HAIL THE GLORIOUS NEW LEADER!“ [...]

  • bigfoot

    I hope that he will move to westanize north korea and start in nuclear powered robotics (project kill bot) by stealing the japs technology like we do, but never fear we have zap brannigan and those pesky kill bots have a preset kill limit prepare to be drafted

  • Yeah, Kim Jong-un will probably be one of those hot-and-nasty types with something to prove. But hopefully he won’t be as anxious to usher in a nuclear winter as his daddy.

  • Engineer

    Shit, Split the pelvis- nasty way to go out. Yeah the Saturday Night Live will become a execution. After any cracks towards Kim Jong-un, he will have that particular cast member begging for their life. Briefly before shoving a grenade in their mouth blowing their fucking head off to make a point. Hes 23, sure to be short, so he will have little man syndrome and be a little prick. Just like his dad.