NO NUKES LIKE GOOD NUKES!

LOCAL ART “MAGAZINE” CENSORS ANTI-NUKE STORY

Roanoke, Va.–Recently, a website dedicated to sub-par musical acts and local artists took down an article written by beloved Elf Wax Times reporter Billy Walshe, probably following a complaint that it challenged a reader’s ignorant beliefs.

In a move critics around the internet are hailing as “a relatively inconsequential hypocrisy,” art website Roanoke Revolution took down an “anti-nuclear weapons” article written by one of Roanoke’s finest underground artists.

It was a move not to keep from losing advertisers, nor did Billy’s article challenge the “magazine’s” ongoing narrative of reality, since as of June, they could not yet have one, this being only their third update. It hardly challenged any belief about anything whatsoever, unless of course their editor, Jovan Rahsman, doesn’t support nuclear non-proliferation.

Roanoke Revolution's Empty June 2010 Rant Section

But according to fans on his website, Billy Walshe is “not one to directly attack an issue head-on” in the way his article’s deletion suggests in the minds of some critical thinkers. In fact, Billy is oft referred to as the “Carl Sagan of Nukes” among those privy to his backward-ass ideologies.

“Billy loves nuclear weapons,” said Niall Coffey in an exclusive interview with The Elf Wax Times. “He talks about ‘em all the time. He even describes what it feels like to be zapped by a nuke when I’m really stoned, and sometimes he won’t let me stop imagining it.” Coffey even went on to describe nightmares of a fictional nuclear holocaust Billy Walshe sadistically imposes on him, well after the fact, regularly in his sleep.

As of right now, the article is still deleted. However, an editor of Roanoke Jingodilution said they plan to replace Billy’s article with the following video “as soon as we learn HTML”:

Billy told Elf Wax he has notified his hate group of this injustice and now armed white supremacists comb the nighttime countryside, trying to help find the deleted article, or women to rape in his honor.

It is strongly suspected by Lebal Drocer Senior Executive Officers Walshe was targeted for who he is, or perhaps his affiliation with The Glorious And Infallible Elf Wax Times. It is for this reason the staff considers removal of his article a celebration of his apparent greatness and acknowledgment of their website’s inferiority, and embarrassing unworthiness of his material.

Billy Walshe is an accomplished Appalachian craftsman, woodworker, musician, visual artist and status quo minion. In his spare time, he collects pogs and marches to find the cure for Gross Lesbianism.

lol

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